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Turkey Blessings

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

I don't do wishbones. I do just-make-it-happen bones.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

Home for the Holidays

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

"It helps if you think of it as a turkey."

'Mary, you must give me your stuffing recipe.'

"Honey, will you let the dog in? When your 3-Bean Salad kicks in, I'll need someone to blame."

"Put it on pause, son, and come to Thanksgiving dinner."

"I smell cranberries."

"What's a good time for dinner, let's sync up our calendars..."

"And he's a nutritional-support animal, too."

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

"You don't use a cookbook, Tia Carmen?"

"Not the Verity Brewster? The Verity Brewster who invented sweet-potato casserole with marshmallows on top?"

"Did I set the table right? Fork, knife, tooth brush?"