Hosting A Big Family Dinner Mugs

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"You've all been like a company to me."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'As soon as your mother is through laundering the money we'll go out to eat.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

"Fridge-to-table"

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Could I trade all of this for more of that?'