Hostess T-Shirts

'There's a fifteen minute wait for people we like, and a forty five minute wait for people like you.'

'You just had to tell them to make themselves at home!'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

'Obnoxious. screaming kids,or non-obnoxious, screaming kids.'

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"I've got reservations for this evening."

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

"Would you prefer the TV viewing or non-TV viewing section?"

"No politics or religion. This party’s MYOB — Mind Your Own Business."

'I like to put all the halitosis sufferers together.'

Come dine with me!

"Smoking or anti-smoking?"

'Psst! It's the invisible man. Try not to state at his new hair piece.'

"So good to see you let me take your coa...oh, a low alcohol bottle of wine."

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

'Say goodnight to Robert. He's not very good at entertaining.'

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'

'Main Street or Wall Street?'

Entertainer.

'Sorry, this table is taken.'

"The seating arrangements should be bitch,dog,bitch,dog,bitch,dog"

'Our Monday night '90-off wine night' isn't exactly working wonders for Tuesday thru Saturday.'

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

'Do you have a reservation?'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"I told you to stop doing this if you're going to approach each table saying 'little help here'."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

Tartine

Come dine with me!

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'What zip code are we in now?'

Wine Lady

Dinner at the Trapdoors

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'