Hospital Staff Issues Pillows

'Guidelines say we have to have five nurses on the ward. This is Sandra, also known as Claire, Faith, Jasmine and Nicolette.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Multi-tasking.

Dancing Doctor

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'These are job perks.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

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"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."