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"Apropos-of-nothing last words." "...John Stamos' middle name is Phillip."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'Sometimes patients become a little attached.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

'You sounded better yesterday.'

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

"But the P.R. guy says he's going to be O.K."

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

Hospital Visit

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'You were clinically dead for over a week. Gave us all quite a little scare.'

"despite the EKG monitor I can assure you this man is dead inside."

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

"You are so lucky. You are not going to classes for the next six months."

Casualty

'He's always talking about all of his operations.'

"Sorry it took so long. The nurses and I had a bet to see how long it would take for you to stick your head out the door and say, 'Hello?'"

Boy tricking the nurse

'I know brain surgeons are suppose to be brilliant, but anybody can lose their car keys.'

Mosquito feeding from a blood transfusion bag.

Doctors hate being interrupted.

'The old fool's dead.'

"Oh doctor, my love for your burns greater than Mr Williamson's urinary tract infection."

'You were the only survivor.'