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'You were clinically dead for over a week. Gave us all quite a little scare.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Sometimes patients become a little attached.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

'You sounded better yesterday.'

Hospital Visit

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

"But the P.R. guy says he's going to be O.K."

'For god's sake Walters, wait until the patient is fully anesthetized before going through his wallet.'

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

"despite the EKG monitor I can assure you this man is dead inside."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'He's always talking about all of his operations.'

Casualty

'Lunch!'

"Apropos-of-nothing last words." "...John Stamos' middle name is Phillip."

"Sorry it took so long. The nurses and I had a bet to see how long it would take for you to stick your head out the door and say, 'Hello?'"

Boy tricking the nurse