Hospital Hoot Pillows

When I said to show me where it hurts.. it's ok to just point.

'Well, seeing as how you're my wife and all, I'll try to fit you in next Thursday at 3:15.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

"Good?"

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'We abide by HIPAA laws to protect your privacy.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

Surprised doctor looking at man standing behind X-Ray machine with the image saying: SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

Doctor with 'Out patient' clip board being sped up by 'Competition', 'Technology' and 'DRG's'

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

'I had a heart attack while I was doing your by-pass surgery.'

'This operation should remove the swelling in your wallet - I mean, knee.'

'Young man, haven't you ever heard of the hippocratic oath?'

"What kind of second opinion is that? It's exactly the same as the first!"

'Dr. Winslow will be checking your heart. Dr. Briggs will be checking your lungs. And I will be checking your bank account.'

'Staff cutbacks? Tell me about it, I only came in to fix a computer...'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

Surgeon has dropped his forceps.

'And if you like we can arrange for you to receive next to last rites on the morning of your surgery.'

'Nice invention, but what about jet lag?'

"They cured me - then again, I don't have as many preexisting conditions."

'I see you've been calling a lot for that pretty night nurse again!'

"My son is failing out of medical school, so to help him get extra credit, I'm allowing him to operate on you."