Hospital Habitué T-Shirts

'Don't worry. Dying is the last thing you're going to do.'

'Standard release form - in case anything goes wrong during the delivery.'

Don't tell me, you want another sick note!

'Y'all come back soon, now, hear?'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan...the large, life-threatening hump we removed from your back turned out to be your attorney..."

'I admire your floatibility.'

Jazz is Invented

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"I think we have run out of time..."

"OK Dad, I've counted and categorised all the trees in our part of the wood: Now we can start on our sustainability plan..."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

"You call all this a side effect?"

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

Rain forest ends here.

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'I guess the transplant went ok - I just got a love letter from my new liver!'

Hospital Visit

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"There's been a medical breakthrough that can help your condition. Unfortunately, you need an insurance breakthrough."

'Do you have any duck tape?'

'Her next door is LIVID - her husband's only got a septic big toe!'

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Hospital Cleaning.

"A guy in 'recovery' wants to buy your slippers."

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

'I'm saying I want to share your pain you selfish bastard.'

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

"Ready now, Miss Henderson."