Hospital Comedy Seeker Gifts

"This isn't a donor heart. It's a tuna on rye."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Tin Can Operation.

'Urology...can you hold?'

"Whoops..."

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

Surgery Instructions.

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

"I hope your cast is not itchy, Stacy. I had an itchy cast on my arm once and it itched ALL the time. It felt like crawling ants! Itchy, itchy, itchy..."

Paramedics.

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

Too much Inflammation

'I'm so proud of you sweetie, you haven't smoked for a week!'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

Surgery Instruction Book.

"Good?"

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

'Is it bad news, doctor?'

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'