Hospital Comedy Seeker Gifts

Providing Healthcare For All

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

Tin Can Operation.

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'Urology...can you hold?'

"Whoops..."

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

Surgery Instructions.

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

"I hope your cast is not itchy, Stacy. I had an itchy cast on my arm once and it itched ALL the time. It felt like crawling ants! Itchy, itchy, itchy..."

Paramedics.

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

'I'm so proud of you sweetie, you haven't smoked for a week!'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

"Good?"

Surgery Instruction Book.

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

"Mr. Marshand, wake up – your MRI is over! Mr. Marshand!!"

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

'Whoops! Get my lawyer on the phone!'

'Is it bad news, doctor?'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'