Hospital Comedy Buff Pillows

Sexy nurse attracts heart attack patients.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"WHich one is mine?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

Downloading Pregnancy

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."