Hospice Nurse Gifts

'I'm dying. Call 'Universal Hospice.''

Man with 'The End is Near' sign walks past hospice.

"The first one's just a warning."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Dog wearing a cone

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!'

'HEEL!...HEEL!'

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

Know your dog - The brain.

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

"Someone to see you!"

Thank you to our awesome NHS staff

"You must learn to let go."

First Aid Box

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

Shoptalk

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

"Anxiety? No, nothing that I've noticed out of the ordinary."

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

'First the good news - we've all got to go sometime...'

'What makes you say the medication I prescribed for Fido is causing side effects?' 'Meow.'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'