Hood-humorist Pillows

"I don't know what's wrong, but, if you open and close the hood like this, it looks like your car is talking."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Dog Walking Services

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."