Honeymoon Planner T-Shirts

'I believe that's supposed to read 'Just Married'.'

'But we can't go to Australia for our honeymoon, you know how my Mother hates flying!'

"Is this the Love Boat?"

So you want a single going and a double coming back.

'What's this,Sally-hoping for a place in the record books?'

'And how do I know this is MRS. Smith?!!'

Customized Personal Retreats.

"No, I don't know when my sister will be home. How long do honeymoons last?"

"Where do I sign? I'm totally blind without my contacts."

"We would like the bed delivered immediately!"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Airlines

"You may now kiss the bride..."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'I always cry at weddings!'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"