Honest Persiflage Appreciator Gifts

"Hey, …. Could you help a guy qualify for federal matching funds?"

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

"I find parrots have a tendency to fly away"

Big business is not evil

Stop Ironic Graffiti

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

Penguin lost his appetite because of contaminated fish.

'I always ask that you be frank and let your hair down providing, of course, you ever grow any hair to let down.'

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

"We pay the living dead wage."

'At least he's honest.'

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

"It pains me to tell you this, but it ain't broke."

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

Most dog-like dog.

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

"To be honest we can't afford to be honest."

'What does my dad do? Anything Mum tells him.'

Introducing Honest Abe Cards

Do I really offend people all the time? You're too honest. People are different from other animals. Other animals like the truth, but people are very touchy. They like their information sugar-coated. Do you see? But what about Dr. Phil? Precisely. He's almost certainly part jungle creature.

"It's not straw - it's rattan."

'Why honest is the best policy...'

"...And I'd like to thank all the little people whom I stepped on in order to get to where I am..."

"We'll have the grilled penguin."

Quasimodo Drops a Clanger

"Are you binge watching again?"

'Your resume says, you are lazy, stupid, incompetent, useless, and a nitwit. You're hired, I like an honest man.'

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

Alien Abduction Is A Myth. . .

'Gee, I wish I'd said that.'

'Joe's Junk Food.' 'At least he's honest.'