Honest Jokester Prints

'Always tell the truth, even if you do have to lie to do it.'

'So far I've contributed nothing to this world.' - 'And it's a better place for it.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Fleas Navidad.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Merry Christmas"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

A crab with a utility knife claw

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Men dancing

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Leaving cards.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

Elf of the Month

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

C is for Cracker