Homeschooling Humorist Pillows

Choices, choices.

Remote learning

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

Math Teacher

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

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