Homebound Sommelier Pillows

Wine-tasting Tour.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Just the one...

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Nouveau wine

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'

"I understand he's in aroma therapy.''

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

"While here, you'll have to try our food desert, too!"

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

"What would the world be like without wine? I can't bear to think of it."

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Wine Shotput

'A regular chip off the old bottle.'