Home Security Professional Pillows

'Good evening!! I'm doing a survey on home security!!'

'He might hurt himself getting stuck in the catflap...'

"Home security isn't subtle. If you've got it, flaunt it!"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"He's a guard dog."

No Soliciting

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

"I see you've security marked your property."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

"Beware of Don"

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Ok, I found a secure line."

AI Safety Officer

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"I say we move on to dessert."

'Hey, buddy -- can you keep a secret?'

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

Mou...Man trap!

CCTV in church.

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

Inhospitality tent.

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'This thing better hold. I don't know about you, but I don't find plan B very reassuring.'

It's spooky how Amazon can track you down