Home Security Professional Pillows

'Good evening!! I'm doing a survey on home security!!'

'He might hurt himself getting stuck in the catflap...'

"Home security isn't subtle. If you've got it, flaunt it!"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

No Soliciting

"He's a guard dog."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

"I see you've security marked your property."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"Beware of Don"

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

AI Safety Officer

"Ok, I found a secure line."

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"I say we move on to dessert."

CCTV in church.

'Hey, buddy -- can you keep a secret?'

Mou...Man trap!

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

Inhospitality tent.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!