Home Project Hobbyist Gifts

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'I think you should seek treatment for that Lego block obsession of yours!'

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

Bob’s Museum

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Wallpapering with Nails

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

"They've got insulation to die for!"

'As a kid I was always taking things apart...so, anyway, that's when my parents stopped getting me pets.'

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

Now Playing On Your Phone: Other People's Craft Projects....

"Larry does all his own stunts."

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

"Shall I kiss it better?"

Translating Contractor to English