Home Polling Humor Pillows

'In case you're interested, your approval rating around here has slipped to a scant 23%.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Reagacentennial

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"All other letters have been disallowed."

The Art of Misdirection

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

'I'm really thirsty.'

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

'The attack will have to wait until tomorrow Congressman. Today is furlough day. . .'

"I figure if I don't have that third martini, then the terrorists win."

War of Words

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

"Are you sure that this is the correct dress for a political event?"

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

Brexit Trip

'I just had the greatest idea! -- Let's deregulate ourselves!'

RIP: Here lies the last remains of civility and honesty in the political process.

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Simplified Tax Plans

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

Trump's Speechwriters

'They expect us to vote cold sober?'

'You've got to help me, Doc - I'm a swing voter!'

Americana Mall

"We've got a new customer, Eddy: run a couple of kegs over to the Supreme Court."

Repeal and Reject

"51st State, eh?!"

Citizenship test no 17, 'the t-shirt over head'.