Home Musician Pillows

'That's it! The lost chord!'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

Putting Practice.

The Hammer

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

'Too bad we're not pay-per-view.'

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Joyce! The poltergeist are having another dinner party!"

Entertainment systems

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Don't move.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Don't be silly - we're being perfectly fine hosts."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"You'll have to fetch your own slippers. The dog resigned."

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"