Home Machine Tinkerer Pillows

"Some of your lost socks were clogging up the motor."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

The Hobby Store

Painting the Ceiling

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

Rocking horse

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Sale! Weed Whackers

Modern kite for wind energy.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

A massive ship pulls in in Central Park.

"I got a swiss army hook!"

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

Congratulations on your retirement!

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

Waiting for retirement.

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

Guide to Carpentry Fish

'Because of the mess, 'Mr. Potato Salad-Head' never took off.'

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

Man feeding his computer money.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

'Swiss Army Rescue Service. How can we help?'

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

Three different categories of lawnmower.