Home Improvement Professional Pillows

Over 50 shades of grey available.

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

"Not a chance - you go try out for The New This Old House by yourself."

'Oh Steve! You had the dining area remodeled!'

Home Maintenance - Decorating.

'I said shag carpeting.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"Think of it not just as an upgrade to your bathroom, but as a metaphor for life."

Let's get organized

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Light Bulb Moment

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

The Missing Sock Returns

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."