Home Heating Humorist T-Shirts

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Yard Sale

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Pest Control

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No it's still not fixed'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Carpet Cows

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.