Home Economist Gifts

'We've had our new simplified gas bill!'

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

Ed was saving a fortune on insect spray now he had discovered that flies have no natural immunity to being whacked with a rolled up newspaper.

'With the economy the way it is, I'm going to have to let one of you go.'

'OK, it's your turn to stand by the pilot light.'

'Been toying with commodities again, have we?'

'He's so tight he won't even buy the kids a new computer.'

'Maybe this isn't a good time to ask Mom for money.'

"Sorry, I don't have any beer. The wife cut social benefits and plowed the money into her defence budget..."

"Oh! I used too much starch again."

"When I was small, the baby of the family always did all the chores for her sweet old aunt."

"I think it's time we cashed in our spare change. We could probably pay off our house."

Comparison Site: Switch Energy Supplier/Ignore, Have A Cup Of Tea.

With a cold, cold winter...how to lower your heating bill.

Making ends meet

"No, dear, putting the kettle on will only make things worse."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'I feel like doing a little writing tonight. Where's the checkbook?'

"For gods sake Arthur, just give me my housekeeping."

"Is it 'To whom should I yell at for touching the #!@*! thermostat' or 'To who should I yell at'?..."

'This is interesting -- We've now spent more on ATM fees than we did on our first house.'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'I told my wife to run the house like a business. So she sold it to an American corporation.'

'Your stock broker with a hot tip on how to break even.'

Our phone bill is through the roof! Since we all have mobile phones, we should ditch our landline. But I need it! What for? Just a sec! Tap tap tap. Deep deep deep deep deep. Finding my cell phone. We could train a dog to do that!

"Oh for goodness' sake, Brian. As if our gas bill wasn't high enough already!"

The various stages of pandemic paper towel usage.

"Are they seriously sending us a bill for last year?"

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."