Home-curious Parent Pillows

"We homeschool."

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

What can I play?

' ... and this is the half bath.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

Homeschooling

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

'We live in a designer trainer.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

Fireplace Projector.

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

'Brew?'

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

'It's no spelling mistake-the dining room is in the basement.'

"Interesting story behind this one..."

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

Homes of the font designers

"I bought a new summer condo."

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

"Careful in the bathroom—we just had it reimagined."

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

Repossessed Properties.

"The seller is highly unmotivated."

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.