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'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'I didn't read that scene, but I did highlight several passages.'

Wallpapering with Nails

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'I accidentally hacked into Mom's microwave oven.'

"Never marry an engineer."

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

Changing the Lightbulb.

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

'You did your book report on the TV schedule?'

'Clothes-dryer Messiah.'

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

Addiction Research Centre.

"Just empty it."

"Mom, call the appliance store. The self-cleaning stove isn't cleaning itself!"

"That goes to the dry cleaners."

'I did my part of house cleaning, now it's your time...it's shovel ready'

"Dad, you never have to say 'take out the trash' again!"

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

"He's starting to make coffee in the mailbox, isn't he?"