Home Bid Humorist Pillows

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Yard Sale

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Is the fire included?'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Mouse real estate!

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

Carpet Cows

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'