Home Bid Humorist Pillows

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Is the fire included?'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Mouse real estate!

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'A Dust Cow'.