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Fancy Wallpaper in a Cell

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

"Would our big tacky objects look good here?"

"He's fine, Ma'm."

Mummy Toilet Roll.

Urban spring.

'We couldn't agree on the wallpaper.'

'Honey, I think you overdid the plastic canvas decorations in the bathroom.'

"I'm paid by the hour. Why do you ask?"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

"You know your dog better than I do."

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

How men shop for towels.

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

"I was proud of our house until we came here and found out how many things are wrong with it."

Which one? The Times? The Post? Maybe The Tribune? Oh, Phil - Picking out a carpet is so difficult.

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

'What am I doing? Well, I'd planned on going to the office and goofing off...then I remembered I'm retired.'

Ames, Honey? The yard really needs you attention. What makes you say that?

Dying your hair red at home

How are your mime skills? I want to convince a dog he's surrounded by an invisible fence.

Objets D'Angst

'....Who's the interior decorator again?'

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."