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Holy Relics.

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'Look man, no wings!'

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Bible Bloopers

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Even More Disciples'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

Don't tell me fibs! I know ou wrote to the Corinthians, and ya wrote to the Romans, bnot to mention to Galatians, but do you write to your mother?

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'Quit throwing dinner plates, Gentle Jesus.'

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Moses/stranded shark

"Are you sure you sent out those invitations?"

'I think we're going to need a compliance officer for these.'

Planner at work.

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'You have your Boxing Day dip and I'II have mine...'

Noah's Arc "And that's when I realized I had two of everything I needed, right in front of me, this whole time."

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

'Not so fast - What about health care?'

"Then, my arthritis..."