Holodeck Believer Pillows

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

Ghost School.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

Edna spots the ever elusive Loch Ness Monster.

"Take. Your. Time!"

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

"I'm Mr. Trump's attorney and this is my attorney. Once his attorney arrives, we can begin."

"Never mind how other see you, how do you see yourself?"

Your karma will catch up with you!

The Supremes will now ponder Obamacare.

Young Jesus learning to walk on water with waterwings around his ankles.

"I can't believe I'm almost five and I'm just now hearing about the helmet fairy."

Colin was always looking for new ways to communicate complex financial products.

"Lucky beast....No factory farming, no suffering at the slaughterhouse...perfect."

Santa Knows Where You Are

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

"Yes, that's right Mr. Harris. It was definitely another hole in one."

'All I did was tell him his bonds were backed by the full faith and credit of the U.S. government.'

"Yeah! Well, I don't believe in karma."

'You were cured by the thought of my soup! Healed by an imaginary bowl of fabulous soup.'

"Tomorrow’s the day. I’ve been waiting in line for 'Deadpool & Wolverine' for months." "What on earth are you talking about, little buddy?" "Well, it’s not exactly me. It’s a kid I paid, he’s holding my spot." "Wait… Please tell me you didn’t pay a kid to not go home for two months." "It doesn’t sound so good the way you say it."

'Will Tuesday afternoon be satisfactory?'

"Torture in Hell awaits those who question God's love!"

'Put the heating pad on it.'

'Where have you been all your life? Everybody knows that zero coupon bonds are the way to go!'

A Tailor and a new customer

'Any chance you can bring my toys early this year Santa... the bloke on the News said the world might end on the 21st!'

"Jesus, how many times have I told you that's not a toy?"

'It's better than Prozac. I no longer worry about the ozone layer, sulfur dioxide, ultraviolet rays...'

"Rudolf. What do you mean you don't believe in me anymore?"