Believer In Balance Pillows

"Yeah! Well, I don't believe in karma."

"The weatherman said dress for the mid 70's. Bob was elated." "Much. Too. Sexy."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

'I've got the world by the tail. How much is this going to set me back?'

'Confusionism'

"Take. Your. Time!"

'Some democrats and Republicans sat together at the state of the union.'

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

"A reconciliation bill? -- I've been in Congress for 37 years, and I've never reconciled anything!"

Give Thanks.

Tightrope Walker Over-Balances.

Dog carrying a bone on his head.

Outer Cuteness vs. Inner Cuteness

"Ten commandments and the periodic table – all we have to know."

"Great grunts, next week we'll try some weights."

'Ben, that's what I hate about this crowded gym... there's no freedom of the bench press.'

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

"Good morning! I'd like to come in and talk to you about the Bible..."

"Relax - we're blessings in disguise."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

"Yoga CAN be of great benefit. . . but only if you learn how to do it PROPERLY!"

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

Less is less

'As I'm sure you all remember, right here is when we all stopped caring!'

'I dunno, I've never stayed up long enough to find out.'

Highwire Texting

"Don't punish yourself for who you are. That's God's job."

'Hold it right there, fella.'