Holiday Traditions Gifts

"Now we'll need a sitter for New Year's Eve."

"He says he's not coming out until we've been vaccinated."

Carol singers in Victorian costume.

"We're history, Rudolph....I tell ya, we're history."

Happy Hanukkah Cats

Santa sends it all by FedEx.

"Bl**dy hell! Whose idea was it to do this every December."

"Writing Christmas cards shouldn't be this complicated dear!"

'You do realise this means 2000 years of Christmas records.'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'This tastes like BOOGERS!' - 'It is carrot cake.'

'This business of entering people's houses through the chimney has got to stop!'

"No Santa?!! Next thing you're gonna tell me there's no Amazon!"

'I'm going to tell him I've been good on the chance that my reputation hasn't preceded me.'

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

'The Easter bunny doesn't come down the chimney. He hides his eggs in the backyard.'

"How much of a gratuity does Santa usually get?"

Thanks And Giving.

"So how did you get into the spy game?"

With a round little belly like a bowl of jalea, he struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

Christmas Eve Night

'What do you mean the eggnog we left for Santa last night was off?'

"I wonder how Santa got my pony into such a small box?"

'Maybe I should talk with Mrs. Claus. She's GOT to have better taste in clothes than you!'

'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through la casa, not a creature was stirring...oye, que pasa?

'Mother will know if you return it! She had a GPS tracker sewn into the lining.'

"I'm thankful for not being a turkey."

"And this is where the magic happens."

After a lifetime of shaking Christmas gifts, Katie became an inevitable airport security officer.

"We need to line the bird cage. Bring me the holiday newsletters."

Child's Letter to Santa Claus

Ernie loves to decorate his Christmas tree. He starts by untangling and testing a string of lights. Every year he makes new popcorn and cranberry garlands. He has to find the right spot for each family heirloom ornament. Now, should I finish it off with Johnny Depp or Beyonce? Ernie has his own idea about putting a star on top!

"You shoved a candy cane in my ear!"

"Well, Mr. Bunny and the babies are part of the family too."

"Trust me – she's a witch."