Holiday Traditions Gifts

"Now we'll need a sitter for New Year's Eve."

Carol singers in Victorian costume.

"He says he's not coming out until we've been vaccinated."

Santa sends it all by FedEx.

Happy Hanukkah Cats

"We're history, Rudolph....I tell ya, we're history."

'You do realise this means 2000 years of Christmas records.'

'This business of entering people's houses through the chimney has got to stop!'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

"Writing Christmas cards shouldn't be this complicated dear!"

"Bl**dy hell! Whose idea was it to do this every December."

"No Santa?!! Next thing you're gonna tell me there's no Amazon!"

'I'm going to tell him I've been good on the chance that my reputation hasn't preceded me.'

'The Easter bunny doesn't come down the chimney. He hides his eggs in the backyard.'

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

"How much of a gratuity does Santa usually get?"

"And this is where the magic happens."

Child's Letter to Santa Claus

Thanks And Giving.

'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through la casa, not a creature was stirring...oye, que pasa?

Christmas Eve Night

"I'm thankful for not being a turkey."

'What do you mean the eggnog we left for Santa last night was off?'

'Maybe I should talk with Mrs. Claus. She's GOT to have better taste in clothes than you!'

'Mother will know if you return it! She had a GPS tracker sewn into the lining.'

With a round little belly like a bowl of jalea, he struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

"I wonder how Santa got my pony into such a small box?"

"What?! You wanted an Easter egg, and this is one!"

"Come on, baby—just this once! It's been forever since we got stoned and went out carolling!"

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"

Answers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Thanksgiving

'Mr. Humbug'

The St. Nicholas Day Massacre

"Did you say 'trick'? Maybe that's it. Maybe it's just been one long, horrible trick."

"Trust me – she's a witch."