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The Holidays

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

Filming Christmas

'I hate all holidays!'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Santa's wash day.

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

"Well, they have to hibernate somewhere...and your airing cupboard is no exception."

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

Christmas escape plan

'The New York stock exchange is up twelve and a half points n early trading. Nasdaq is down on and a quarter!'

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

'Holiday insanity helpline.'

Elf-Help Group

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

Nerve-racking Chanukah moments

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

"We didn't see anything so special about the light in Greece. We have the same light in Tuckahoe."

"I hope I can make this work, with Thanksgiving just around the corner."

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'It's not a stable, it's a pop-up hotel'

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online