Holiday Gift Guru T-Shirts

'I feel awful - we only got them socks.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Beach con-man.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"That'll be five bucks."

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

Santa called but you were out!

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I might just get a pie."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

It's a busy mother's day down there! The glucose molecule got his mom a box of sweets, the histamine brought flowers ... A sodium atom got bath salts, and the genes had a family portrait taken. Frank, the neuron didn't get a gift for his mother. No, he didn't but he always sends a nice message!

Loopholes

'Hang on a minute...'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"Ticket and passport, please."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Mouse returns home from work.

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

Regifts of the Magi

Snake Charming

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

Valentines Day truck

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?