Holiday Diva Gifts

Mary Christmas preparing for her big night out.

Domestic Superheroes!!

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Mrs Howell packs 200 changes of clothing for a 3-hour tour.

Balancing work and family

"I had to skip my workout."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

Ironing day.

Framed Lady

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

Washing Line Walker