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28,000 BC. Dr. Og discovers you can't get blood from a stone.

I've been reading a lot of ancient history lately. That's good, little buddy. The distant past is pretty fascinating. You're preaching to the choir. Before every date, I like to revisit the pax romana. The point in time when all the squabbling ceased and all of Europe got down to some good lovin'. What's your favorite time in ancient history? March 28th, 2015. that's when I retweeted a great tweet I'd written back on December 5th, 2014.

"You're on a what?!"

When laundry ruled the waves.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Yes, all at once!'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

"Bonk!"

Moses unblocking the toilet.

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

The Algonquin Round Table

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

'Too cheap to buy me real flowers, huh?'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

The Enemy

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'Don't believe everything you read.'

Shakspeare a little altered. - 'He lived not wisely, but too well.'