History Debaters Pillows

"He wasn't a vegan."

Changing Minds

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

'You present a very convincing argument.'

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

"In the spirit of compromise, Canada is willing to offer any state of the United States, sanctuary if they wish to secede."

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"I hope I live long enough to see Bush's view of his legacy come true! I'll be around a long, long, long time!"

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

Sen. Krupt. Your vote should never be for sale. It's much more efficient to rent it out!

Citizens' Jury - 'The jury thinks you should get rid of Citizens' Juries.'

Tickets being sold for the Fun House and the Religious Fundamentalist House,

Today's Banking Industry: "We're too big to regulate!"

Bush vs. America

Democracy - one of the drawbacks.

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"But I don't want my constituents to vote for the most qualified candidate! I want them to vote for me!"

War and peace

'Come on fellas! I was just kidding about the 'pay their fair share' stuff!'

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

"Why is it that yours are 'Aha!' moments, but mine are always 'No duh?'"

"It looks suspicious to me. Next thing we know, he'll claim the U.S. is part of Russia."

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

No Tread on Me

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder..they'll bugger it up and sell them off cheap.'

Professor Malinowski Failed to Impress His Audience with his Small Bang Theory.

The Fortunes of War

"It's totally unfair! I can't vape but you can cook with gas?!"

"This is all Obama's fault! If he hadn't invented the Affordable Care Act, we wouldn't be in this mess..!"

"So apart from stop being 'lying hypocritical uncaring bastards who'd promise anything to get back in power'...is there anything else we might do to secure your vote?"

Psychiatry. I'm starting to take it personally when people say we have a representative government.

'That was a long winded conversation...I thought he'd never stop listening.'

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

Here's How Passing Trumpcare In the Dead of Night Will Work for the Republicans