Hipster Investor Gifts

You called me, boss? Yes. I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we've found. I want you to stop doing that. At least until I'm done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don't need any competitors driving up the prices. Very bad man. When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing.

Wifi in Hell

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

Unlike modern day hipsters, pre-historic hipsters didn't need to rely on yoga, hiking or even rock climbing to stay fit...

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

What your guitar says about you.

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

Woke Jersey Shore

"Mind if we go through the Park? There's this ailing ginkgo tree I want to check on."

Artisanal Pottery

"Just remember, when he says 'indie' he means Indianapolis."

The Inventor of the Man Bun.

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

Hipster Coffee

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

Designer Republic of Shoreditch

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"It's a fashion statement!"

Stormtrooper takes off the helmet.

"You want to be a WHAT?"

"I don't want the burger on a trendy wooden platter, the egg on Welsh slate or, my fries in a terracotta pot - I want soup served in a sock!"

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

"Our flavors of the day are Prodigal, Importune, and Mal de Siècle."

"They're mire aesthetic than practical."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."