High Tea Hero Pillows

Bad mannered dog embarrasses visiting nuns.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Best Before 5th Pint.

You've Had Enough!

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

Why markets crash.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'It's a great film Pauline, I nearly milked myself laughing.'

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'I'll pour yours out as well Dear - I know that you won't be long.'

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

"It's a full moon somewhere."

Vesta

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Join me in a Caiprinha!

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

Sleepy Bunny