High Tea Hero Pillows

Bad mannered dog embarrasses visiting nuns.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

You've Had Enough!

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

Why markets crash.

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

The Leafs win the Cup!

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'It's a great film Pauline, I nearly milked myself laughing.'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'I'll pour yours out as well Dear - I know that you won't be long.'

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

Sleepy Bunny

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

Join me in a Caiprinha!

Vesta

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.