High-mileage Sender Pillows

Studies show that for every hour of time-zone shift, it takes three days to fully reestablish your circadian rhythm. Can't do the math? Here are some handy clues you may have jet-lag!

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

"Okay lets go. You can message your friends after dinner."

I can't smile without you...

"I've run out of invisible ink..."

A man on a desert island writes 'Have a nice day' in glass bottles repeatedly.

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

"I'm afraid Sir, that much would be inaudible."

Post early for Christmas 2010.

Get Well cards. They're constantly coming up with new get well cards, but nothing sells as well as the one that makes it clear the sender had the same thing and worse.

'Oops! Maybe I should've put this sign out a little earlier.'

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

'Can you walk me through this 'snail mail' stuff?'

Message in a bottle.

'If they install word recognition software in my texting program, I wouldn't have to know how to spell or read. Ain't technology great?'

'Between us we've got 2000 Facebook friends, but we only know one person well enough to send us a Christmas card.'

Cards For Cats.

Christmas postie!

U. S. POST OFFICE, 'Well, that's enough postage, but just barely.'

'Mummy said let it drop,there's a good boy..'

'Don't forget your p.s.'

Boy stays on grandpa's 'check list.'

'If the Lord knows each time a sparrow falls to earth, it seems like a Minister of the Gospel could at least remember to mail a few Christmas cards.'

I have 1035 Facebook friends. Do I have to send each one a holiday card?

'The post is so unreliable - these days I have to slit birthday card envelopes myself so it looks like i put some money in.'

Semaphore Problems

"T-E-X-T M-E."

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'

'See, there are thousands of letters, all starting with 'Dear Santa'... Aren't Humans strange?'

I don't need a cell phone...I'm going to text message you in the alphabet soup!

'Airmail.'

"Message: I care."

Be my Valentine when all this is over

'Not only that, but we'll be able to send off 288 messages for help in the empty bottles!'

'According to this, in 2009, you mailed your Christmas cards two days before Christmas!'