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"I just do the little things that don't show up in the box score."

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

'I'm sorry. It appears Mr. Mitchell won't be accepting any more information today.'

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

"We will remember them."

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

'Can I choose which brick you name after me?'

'Never was a team player.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Prayer to Share

'Giving back to the community is an excellent tax write-off strategy.'

Spent it all on the primaries.

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

"Your ticket was $340, but the flight is extra."

"My fellow-investors..."

"You can offer a pledge, but not IOU's."

"How can you say I don't give back? I'm on the co-op board."

Fourth Place

'Actually, no-one's retiring or getting married this week - it's just that I can't kick the habit.'

'I've no time for the ice buck nonsense. I'll just continue donating to charity in my own quiet way.'

Hungry and Homeless, Rich and Heartless.

"Promise you'll spend it only on locally-grown healthful produce?"