Hermitage Fan Gifts

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

King George I

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

The Da Vinci Cod

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

You're my Venus

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

How Relaxing It Is To Go To The Beach. . . How Close You Live To The Beach.

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

"I'm not loitering officer, I 'm waiting for the next renaissance!"

"Another selfie, Rembrandt?"

Knight with paint tin on his head.

Rembrandt's Selfies

It's busy at the amusement park. The adrenaline's been having fun on the roller coaster, but the stomach cell looks queasy on the tilt-a-whirl! The hormones are going into the tunnel of love again, and the helium atoms are heading toward the complaint booth. They're saying the parachute drop didn't work for them. Any other problems down there? Yeah, the white blood cells are being kicked out. Apparently they tried to attack the staph!

'Legend has it, he was known as the pigeon whisperer.'

Knight Supplies

'Your snoring kept me awake all through December!'

"It's funny. . . I know it's the renaissance, but I keep writing dark ages on my checks!"

'Jack Tar' Symbolises Nelson's Victory in the Battle of the Nile

"You're probably hot and I've gone on too long so I'll end with a story of the great pestilence."

The Old Man and the Noodle.

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

Pythagoras' Arbitration Service. He's very good. He always finds the shortest distance between two sides.

Garrick as Richard 3rd.

"I've seen every goddam film ever made...twice! What the hell am I supposed to do now??"

'The neighbors called to complain about your armor squeaking again.'

It says not only was he a kind and benevolent ruler, he was a fun type too.

Thomas Wyatt

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

Hibernation Clock.

'George, are you SURE this is the seminar we signed up for? I haven't heard a single word about managing cash flow in a small business!'