Herbal Concoction Creator Gifts

"This mixture of herbs and spices will rid the casa of ghosts! I will send them fleeing into the night!"

Toadstools

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

Newt sale

Medicinal plants

'What? You used a Welshman? The recipe specifically calls for a scot!'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Because we're still part of society - that's why we have to go organic.'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'Try my health brew...1% fat, no cholesterol, high fiber and low sodium.'

"I've thrown in some prescription drugs that don't interact well."

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

'...tail of cat..tongue of toad and a good pinch of monosodium glutamate...'

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

Natural Medicines

"It's just that you might find food a lot cheaper!"

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?

'Great job! -- I'll go gather some herbs.'

'It appears to be a side effect of those herbal eye drops you've been using.'

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'My Brew's really hoppy. . . I use the whole frog!'

"Organic frog, tongue of gluten free dog, wing of sustainable bat..."

Ew, no! Kombucha is disgusting.

"I tried a traditional Chinese herbal remedy for writer's block and it worked great. I wrote four new chapters in two days. Unfortunately, it was all in Chinese and I can't read Chinese."

"Have you tried St. John's Wort?"

"Let's see what your chart says. The patient needs...chamomile tea...a delivery from Concha's Herbal Shop...and 10 gallons of holy water?"

Scientist

"You might as well go see some crazy old lady who treats you with herbs and tree branches!"

'Ever since my Westinghouse scholarship, it's been all downhill.'

"Dios mio! I can't believe they're selling this!"

"Dear, you're drinking the potpourri."