Helpdesk Worker Prints

'I have just initiated your computer's auto destruct countdown.'

Boy at Computer.

"I'm afraid I can't do anything meaningful about your complaint, but would you accept dozens of meaningless platitudes about how much we value you as a customer?"

"Well, if it isn't Roy Pendleton, age 51, five foot nine, 176 pounds, two kids, recently divorced... Yes, I know everything about you, Mr. Pendleton but, then, information is my business!"

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

'ACE Heating and cooling' 'What's Hot' 'What Not'

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

"Hey! Get back here!"

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Tech support...can I help you!

'Remember, Preston, all work and no play make you employed.'

"The first of many cubicles..."

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

IN, More IN (man working at desk)

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'It's about your reports, Mittens. They're incomprehensible -- It's as if you walked across the keyboard, laid down and rolled over it a hundred times, then took a nap on it.'

Your call is important to us...

"You know what they say...'The desk makes the man.'"

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

"I'll give you a moment."

Sometimes God regretted making Fridays so awesome.

'I used to be a major player around here until I was side-lined by an ethics injury.'

You're so demanding, run it yourself!

Computer tech support sacred offering

'Apparently you haven't heard, Hawkins, about things going paperless!'

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

'Great job! As your reward, you can have a cash bonus or go untethered for a week.'