Hell's Foodie Gifts

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Ice Cream Surgeon

What the Doctor Ordered

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"You do like octopus?"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

La Table

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Fast food. Even faster food

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Pigeon Little

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...