Hell's Chef T-Shirts

"It's fondue night!"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"More helium."

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

'The casserole didn't make it.'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'Cook books! I love to learn new ways to cook things.'

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Commie Chef.

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"Whoa! That's a lot of flame, Beth. I'll pick up a fire extinguisher on my way back from the gym."

Psychedelia Smith Cook Book.

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'