Height Defier T-Shirts

'Seriously? You have a morbid fear of heights? Bummer, man.'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

Head over Hooves

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

To do before Saturday...

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Emergency exit into Space

"I got an 'A' for my anti-gravity science project!"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

kid skateboards off airplane wingtip

These upside-down tomato planters simplify everything. But, dad. Mother nature wants plants to grow upwards. Sez who?

Zoom Wedding

Einstein's brother developed the theory of 'relativism'.

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

Doctors without borders, gravity, or air.

"That's many giant leaps for man."

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

Weight Gain Denial

"You're under arrest for breaking the law of gravity! You have the right to..."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

Fun with Ned-Ball.

Hill Walking Boots: 'I'll take them.'

Trampoline Balance

"I say if he wants to take up ballet, we should let him."

'I want something to make me look younger.'