Heartbreak Predictor T-Shirts

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Blues artis's daily list

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"Oh no! You, again?"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

"I don't love you anymore. Let's just be friends."

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

The Invention of Country Music.

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

"Don't cry over her. There will be plenty of fish out of the sea."

Days of Christmas.

'It feels great now, but you will see when it's pulled out.'

Doom Gloom.

"Recently separated."

'I'd like to sample your house wine...Hmm, do you have something that stains a little better?'

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

Her tears flowed like wine.

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!