Healthy-turned-indulgent Pillows

'I've had a really hard day -- make it a two-trip salad bar.'

Chocs away.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'Therapy?'

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

Eating ice cream.

"Unfortunately for my waistline, the only thing sweeter than mom's holiday greeting is her holiday eating!"

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

'Red for me, please.'

Dessert

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

Bangers and Mash

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'What I like about these diet pills is that they're chocolate covered.'

"He's really healthy, except for the grilled cheese."

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

"I've kept both of my New Year's resolutions! Three donuts a day and more time in my pyjamas!"

'What's the 'catch of the day'?'

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she's leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.

Supermarket Aisles.

It's the same dessert but because of its antioxidants, we call it Life by Chocolate."

'Have you noticed that when you're on a diet the food you cheat with tastes so much better.'

'Is it organic?'

"The only thing healthy in this corporate culture is the yogurt in that snack machine."

'Do you have something that's good for you, but tastes like it's bad for you?'

'If I collapse there's a cherry danish in my lunchbox.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

'I just laid a new magic floor and it's talking to you: 'Lose weight! Lose weight!'

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel your Thanksgiving."

'I'm new in town, and looking for a what-the-hell-you-only-live-once doctor...'

Fantasy Diet League